mIzzcLueLezz's Xanga

Monday, November 09, 2009

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 05:35:46 GMT

hates people who depressed you further

when you are already going through all this rejection and starting to feel useless after such long time of brain dead.

if you are itching to say something, it better be something good or motivational

or else just shut up and listen.

However on the upside, tutorial resumed as usual

conducted a finance session today. :) income stream started flowing again.

thank goodness for that. and ofcourse it helped me to restart my brain department as well.

2 good points to that.

i m wishing everyday could be a productive day like today.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 05:40:39 GMT

13 Rejections

30 Applications

is it too few of a bunch to apply for?

increasing number of crashed hopes.

13 is a bad number.

how many more do i need to go through???

is this happening to everyone or it is just my case?

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 14:44:06 GMT

Restless and Lethargic by the day. This is B-A-D.

Honestly, i m actually getting a little sick and tired, or should i say depressed from the continuation of job hunting.

How can people go on with it...? that I really need to learn.

This overall package is affecting me and not only me, it also affects my daily activities and not to mention my weekly tutorials that I am running. It's slowly crashing my confidence till that I am not even sure of the answer I am giving to my students and for that matter i need to run to another tutor for help. a tutor who is still in 2nd year. this is really embarrassing to the ground. wtf.

do i really need a miracle to rebuild myself or can i make it happen on my own?

I feel like I havent been doing anything productive or achieving anything in a really long time. It's as tho I am ANCIENT now. My age triples the speed of a normal ageing person each day.

maybe i need a makeover.

But anyways, this is the result of what I have been doing:

This...

to This!

(Thanks to shiao yun for teaching me or else I wouldnt be able to present the outcome of my dress. there's a chance it might turn out to be a pillow case looking thing! but thank goodness i didn't screw up this time and ta-daa~)

And this Below is a wrappa-round. All you need is just a piece of any cloth and a belt. want to know how? Ask me or stay tune to the 'Revival of Poco-Dashed.' :) in approx half to one month's time.

That's all for now. I need to continue to figure out my life. Don't blame me, I am still growing like each and everyone regardless of my age.

どしよう？めんどくさいなー。ぜんぶぜんぶわすれる。

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Wed, 02 Sep 2009 02:16:53 GMT

One sided, Bias.

where's the work and holiday balance?

now it's all focus on having fun and travelling..

yet we all need money to do such enjoyment.

the current tutoring job is obviously not sufficient enough to cover the deep hole of cost i made.

tho so far the amount i have earned can only pay back for the japanese course i am enrolled in now.

what about others and what happened to working, getting a job?

it's so difficult to get a job in Brissy, not to mention the entire aust... Just becos you don't have Residency.

unless yer exceptionally outstanding and have excellent networking peeps.

however, I am just an average.

Sometimes you know there's a long journey infront of you.. filled with heaps of opportunity cost.

you try to fit everything into your little island but in reality you have to give up some of it

and at some point of time you are just too afraid to think of it.

Everytime you try to do your very best but such minor rejection can degrade you a million times.

All you can do is...

give all energy, you fall, pick up and try to stand tall again.

same cycle all over again.

but I am very thankful to have family and friends who are always there to support my decisions :)

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Sat, 15 Aug 2009 07:24:58 GMT

SO......

my life is on a hang at the moment.

parents came to visit and went back few days ago.

everyday seems like a holiday.

since my parents left, i havent been doing much. feeling very unproductive everyday.

it's like i m just lettin' my days passed right infront of me without catching hold on it.

i need to get back on track and the momentum of it.

Few days ago i started my first temporary job : A Finance TUTOR

HA!~ yea whoever thought i might be tutoring. most of the time people thinks i need a tutor instead.

But yea.. i am a tutor now and hell it is scary for the first.

altho it's just college tutorial.. pretty informal but can u imagine me teaching someone??

definitely a no rite...

anyways its the beginning of the semester so students tend not to appear yet.

hopefully soon they will unless they realize what a lousy tutor i am.

i think all i need now is the confidence that i am always lacking ><

I need to resume my job hunting as soon as possible. i have put it on hold for the past 3 weeks since my parents came.

Apart from that, the usual japanese classes i attend seems to be getting a little boring. Hopefully they will teach something new and something that i don't know of soon!

there are more to my daily life but i will just leave it out for the moment.

'till then.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Mon, 20 Jul 2009 05:59:27 GMT

When will the new phase of my life starts?

so yes. i flew and came back from Sydney.

what can i say, Awesome.

it wasn't suppose to be a touristy trip.

this trip was all about discovering the culture, shopping, fashion, catching up and equally important the delicious good food.

ah. my love ♥

truly happy with the items i bought. then more sugar was added to my life...

having to check exam results during holiday trips can be entirely depressing, however, the outcome was beyond satisfying. feels like the sky was filled with bright colours altho it is night time. gosh 7 ! how often do i get that? seems like Never but *screams* therefore, bought more items afterthat, as a reward to myself. or just as excuse *grins* i can officially say i am graduating on this coming Wed!

ofcourse my life ain't sugary at all times. Right now there are tonnes of documents to handle, jobs to hunt for, visa stress... all bits and pieces that add on to the stress mountain. Seriously, hunting for jobs is so tiring and it can be so degrading to yourself especially at times like this. Banks arent hiring anyone. Even if they are it would be limited and extremely competitive. so if anyone who knows a vacant position at banks it would be great if i can be informed/recommended of that. lol.

not to mention again, the visa preparation is progressing pretty slowly. at the moment waiting for each party to response to the documents and applications before i can lodge. >< oh well. i will still be semi-studying while preparing, hunting for all these applications. enrolled in an extra language course, japanese to be exact. will be starting next week. it goes on until december and hopefully i can obtain a cert from it. heh. Might be taking mandarin in oct too since i can barely write, read, speak... tho my understanding of listening to it has improved.. thanks to my lovely friends :)

Too many photos to update. will only upload those from previous post up till the Sydney adventure.

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 11:10:31 GMT

soo so so so busy... for the past 3 days ><

even more than during exams.

it feels like i m working in the immigration place but i am actually Not...

my schedule for the past 3 days:

wake up, get ready, head to city towards immigration office, stayed there in the city until it closes. reach home only after dinner.

sigh. this visa thing is getting more and more complicated. as if there is no way out. talk about globalisation.

anyways hopefully my sister's and my visa works. really hope so.

it was so confusing and stressful i dont even know where to start at first.

hopefully it would be alright soon.

that's how my holidays started i would say.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 09:48:13 GMT

my last 2 papers are asses.

i really think i can't finish studying them b4 the actual exam day which is tomorrow. and thurs.

shiat.

and it's my first time reading them. 22 Lectures altogether.

now how am i going to write my essay?

just a sentence will do?

there's too much to think, too much to know, too much bear.

too confused right now.

too much stress to take in right now.

pissed. sad. pressured. anger. hate. lost. expressionless. cold.

in short, just damn emo.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 02:47:30 GMT

So... i rewarded myself

for finishing the first paper -_-

unbelievable.. it was all so random when we suddenly decided to go shopping right after the first paper on last Saturday

and the next paper was yesterday, Monday. cant believe i actually went out.

wtf was i thinking ><

anyways 2 more papers to go. study hard may! study hard!

here's my reward to myself :) not sure for what. didnt accomplish anything.

my good looking shoes =D

and my awesome mini ^^

looks so 'garbage plastic bag' but obviously it's polyester and it is much cooler. bwaha.

back to 'studying'.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 00:00:11 GMT

fking cleaners!

omg. are they all crazy or what? bothering us when everyone is having exams?

come on, use your brain abit. how can u expect us to clean up our entire floor when we are busy preparing for the exams?

moreover, there is kitchen and rooms inspection Next Week. smack right in the middle of the exam timetable.

WTF.

don't forget, u all took my rice pot, bowls, fork and spoon and my bolster Away when i was in undergrad and said never seen it.

how can it mysteriously disappear?! wtf. and i didnt make a big problem out of it.

and now you are giving all of us a hard time plus postgrads are the busiest people ever.

it's general knowledge, dont they ever know that?? how silly.